I guess if you ask if it can get any worse you're setting yourself up for failure.
Lets see, this year I've dealt with my father getting diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, chemo, and then his death from the chemo. On top of that I've gotten pregnant, moved into a new house, after never living anywhere else except my childhood home. My husband being so depressed I thought I'd loose him, as well as his stress from school and work. Then there's the fact I went into pre-term labor near Thanksgiving, and was put on bed rest until I delivered. Then I had doctors appointments 2-3 times a week, and when all was said and done there, I had to have an emergency c-section. Why you ask, because I almost lost my life and my child's. Then to top things off I just found out my husband had an affair while I was 7 and 8 months pregnant!
Seriously, how much worse will it get? Can I please catch a break? I know god only gives us what we can handle, but I don't know how much more I can handle! I'm so numb right now, but the pain is starting to sink in. I haven't cried much, but I know it's coming. I feel the need to, but can't bring the tears to the surface. I so badly need the reassurance that Mike loves me, but I don't know that I'd fully believe him if he told me. He says that this is something he's done in the past, how do I know he won't do it again?!? My marriage and child are the world to me, and the only things I have. I feel as if I've lost almost all of who I am this year. Some of my worst fears have come true, and I can only assume it will get worse. I am so afraid to open the door, answer the phone, and read a e-mail. Yet if I do go out I don't want to come back home because I have to admit that I am alone.
Mike told me during some of my darkest hours, that I wasn't alone even though I have felt that way quite a lot in the last year. When the total truth is, I am! He wasn't completely there for himself, let alone for me. If he had truly been there for me, he wouldn't have committed the affair.
I don't know, I'm just hurting so much inside right now, I want the numb feeling back, it's so much easier than feeling the pain.
